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Home > Archive > Feb 7, 2008

'Failure to Launch' All Too Often Real Life Scenario
By Mac Mcgee
Unrealistic Expectations
I am often amazed and sometimes amused of the unrealistic expectations of some who come to me and describe their perfect job, the type of pay they’d like to make and the hours they’d like to work, without an once of preparation towards those goals.
A young woman came to see me at my office. She wore bunny slippers and sweats and said:
“I don’t have much time to talk – I’m kind-of in-a hurry. I don’t want fast food or to work for minimum wage. I won’t work in the dirt, dust or sun, I’d like to make at least $14.00 per hour, start at 10 AM, cause I’m not a morning person, have an hour lunch and leave at about 2PM. I just got out of high school, do not have reliable transportation and can’t type. Now, what do you have for me Mr. McGee?”
This told me she needed a reality check on work and life expectations. I cannot provide jobs for those that either don’t want to work, or don’t have the skills necessary to find employment.
While I did counsel this young woman on what employers were looking for, I had to further discuss what she really wanted in life, and helped her to establish some real life goals. Those goals addressed her education, as it well as those things that she wanted to accomplish in life. To simply turn her away in disbelief would have been a disservice to this person, and ignored her potential for setting and accomplishing realistic goals.
Can you help my adult son or daughter find a job & move out ?
Unfortunately, I hear this all too often. Parents come to me and ask me to assist a young man or woman who has been loved and nurtured throughout their lives, and has come to interpret that love as; “I don’t have to work & I’m not moving out.” Although I have been assisting people with employment for over 10 years, have written hundreds of articles and published works, it is tough to teach work ethics. It is equally difficult to instruct young, single adults that, while Mom & Dad love you and want the best for you, you need to grow up and move forward in your life.
Often times in these conversations with the parents, I would refer to the young man or woman as an adult, and the parents would refer to them as “our child” or “our Billy” or “our Sissy.”  This small difference showed how they saw their “role” in this play called life. It may also have shown how they had assumed a role, and not realized this role changed as their children got older. I had asked the parents if “Billy” (a fictitious name) did any chores around the house, like mowing the lawn? Doing dishes? Vacuuming? Did Billy work? After talking with them for several minutes I found out Billy worked from 1-4, which worked out really well for him since he slept till noon. After his job he generally came home & showered and changed to go “hang-out” with his friends.
All systems start with a plan.
I asked if they thought it would be realistic to charge rent, or to exchange that rent for chores, or even to require both. Since he’s 27 and only works 4 hours per day, obviously he will have to get a full-time job in order to support himself. While I can help him with that (as long as he is willing to help himself), they would need to establish some realistic goals for him to move out, and discuss that with him.
Simply saying you have a year to get it together and then you have to move, has little weight to it and the young adult knows you’ll ‘cave in’ when the time comes to enforce the rule. Start by requesting $200 per month for food, rent, etc. even if they eat on the road most of the time.
Do not let them negotiate the amount – remember it’s your home. If you’re doing the laundry, bed making and chores on their behalf, that has to stop. How could you possibly expect them to take care of themselves, when everything is done for them? Put a time frame on the move. I cannot answer as to what the repercussions would be if they failed to accomplish what you have set as goals for them. If you do not talk to your adult children and make them a part of the process, just assume that they will live with you for the rest of your lives.
A new comedy came out a few years ago called ‘failure to launch,’ and while it may address some of the humorous sides of this dilemma, all too often it has become a challenge in assisting young adults to face adult responsibilities.  Work ethics are best taught at a young age.
Mac McGee is an accomplished business owner, published author of self-help employment books, articles and training videos. He has assisted the state employment development department in making presentations about networking and job searching. He has helped thousands of people find full-time permanent employment, personally constructing over 1000 resumes. His advice to start-up and existing businesses has produced hundreds of opportunities for business owners. He can be contacted at employmentmaster@aol.com.

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